Our Words Can Outlive Us...

Often throughout the year, I think of my friend, Vienna Hagen, who left this world far too soon. She fought an amazing fight with a cancer that was only accidentally discovered and blazed out in wonder, love, and shear crazy glory for the days remaining to her. That woman sure knew how to live in the face of damn near anything.

Always the brave one, Vienna, liked being a trailblazer. So, it is only fitting that she be the first (& possibly last) posthumous guest writer on my blog. Here is something she wrote a few years ago. Still one of my favorite pieces about Fall. Enjoy.

And remember, you never know how what you say or write will come back to haunt somebody...

Fall Happens

by Vienna Hagen

There is a night when fall happens. Neither a function of calendars, nor exactly weather, seasons, like Mary Poppins, arrive when the wind changes. Spring comes in the morning, with the soft scent of damp earth and the glimpse of a green bud. Summer arrives one day at noon, with a dry sky and a single bead of sweat. Winter sneaks up and slides in with the cottony sound that muffles the world right before it snows, but fall happens at night.

One night, after a warm day when it seems that summer is never going to end, autumn dances in. Fall is not a thief, like winter, nor blatant as the summer, instead it is a gypsy, strong and sure. “Come” it says, “see my pretties! I have colors galore, and tastes! I have glowing lights and magical bells! Come and share!”

On the night that fall comes, the breeze shifts, becomes, even if for but a moment, a wind. In the blink of an eye, the air turns crisp and sharp. The lingering dusty warmth of summer is swept away, and leaves, even though still green, suddenly rustle as though they were made of paper, no longer liquid and growing, but all, as if on cue, beginning the countdown to falling in multi-hued mountains for use as the landing zones of childhood, and the funeral pyres of summer vacation.

Apples are just the fruit needed by fall. Strawberries are too soft and sweet, designed for the wedding of spring to summer. Peaches, watermelon, nectarines are all for quenching the thirsty days of July and August, but apples are for fall. Tart skin snaps when you bite into it, like the little slap of cool air on your face on a clear autumn day. Apples are solid, and can stand up to a frosty morning. Apples have character.

The window stood open after a warm, lazy day and it was too much of an effort to close it, so after the sun went down, fall waltzed in. A sudden, almost imagined chill brushed through, and the tree outside creaked a little as though feeling its age. In a subtle instant, it was time to take the blanket down off the shelf where it had lived since the day the forsythia popped open like corn. Lemonade was no longer the thing. Ice cube trays that had been freshly filled might remain so now for months. One lone fly that had gotten in the day before and entertained the cats enormously now, suddenly, disappeared.

Outside, leaves clattered, calling attention to themselves as if knowing that the curtain was about to go up on their final, but most spectacular performance. Insect choruses packed their bags and gave in to the inevitable. Lightening bugs conceded defeat for the year. Air that had been leaden and flat became crystalline and bounced off the tip of the nose. Last night, fall happened.

Ah... Vienna. The world is such a poorer place without you, my friend. I can still see you standing buck-naked in your graduation robe. Gotta' love a redhead!

peace,

Janice

Treating With An Open Heart

This medicine is amazing.

I have an elderly, white, male patient who told me at his initial intake that a) he was afraid of black people, b) he didn't trust his wife's lesbian doctor, and c) he left his first acupuncturist because she was Chinese and he didn't understand her or “her ways”. I stopped him short by declaring the treatment room a politics-free zone before he could finish telling me, I'm almost certain, that he was a Trump supporter.

Really.

I'm not making this up.

I smiled, thinking of my other (black, LBGTQ, etc.) patients that he'd be encountering in my waiting room on a weekly basis.

For anyone who knows me, the next logical question is, “how could I sit in the face of all that?”

Believe me, it was not seamless. It took a minute to process each statement initially and just as I was coming to terms with one of them, he'd come out with another one. Luckily, I was able to keep my face neutral.

Then it occurred to me. This is exactly the kind of patient that really needs my help - to open back up to himself and his life, to understand his body, what it's telling him and how he moves in the world.

So, I took a deep breath and looked past his ideas and listened to his story of what it meant to be him living in his body. I went ahead with my intake just like I always do. And you know what? I came to see this frightened, lost man, who still, in his 70's, was carrying and believing the negative internal dialogue his father had instilled in him. A guy whose need for extreme frugality despite his very healthy bank account, pointed to a life lived entirely under the weight of lack. It broke my heart.

And so, we began the work. Letting the beauty of Chinese Medicine lead me, I chose points to help him find center, reduce pain, appreciate what his body could do – not bemoan what it couldn't – and he began to heal. Using my SOPHIA skills, we looked at how the words that he was using to describe being alive were causing him pain and how to change them into something worth living into. We addressed his diet, his sleep habits, and all the other usual stuff. And things slowly began to change.

Then, during his 10th appointment, he mentioned that the majority of the guys in his weekly exercise group were black and that, to his surprise, he really enjoyed hanging out with them, talking and joking around. He had accidentally found a community that he really appreciated, and they weren't at all like he'd feared them to be. Wow.

This “drawing the bigger circle” thing is not for the weak of heart. My chest would ache with grief every time this man came in and I would make myself remain open, bearing witness to his pain and fear – physical and otherwise. And then that 10^th appointment came and my chest ached again, only with joy for once. Just like the Grinch, his heart has grown at least two sizes that day, and mine had too.

I guess what I'm wanting to say is that although, there's almost always more work to be done in a lot of situations -

Don't give up on people.

Be strong. Love fiercely in the face of fear masquerading as hate.

They might surprise you.

until next time,

peace,

Janice

A Conundrum

When a friend recently asked how I would feel when a certain difficult situation was resolved, I responded by saying:

"I really, really want to get the pebble out of my shoe. I'm just concerned that once it's gone, I will forget that I have feet."

In the face of difficulty and hostility, we have the opportunity to become aware of ease and kindness. I know it sounds backwards. However, by their very absence, we become aware of them missing. And we have the chance to find the better parts of ourselves to counter them.

Of course, we can choose the knee-jerk reaction of meeting like with like. You yell at me, I'll yell at you. And in the end, that gets us nowhere. Just more unhappy.

We can also choose to bottle up that same reaction and cause physical and emotional harm to ourselves and those around us as it leaks out. Still not useful.

Alternately, struggling with meanness and self-absorption in another can allow us to face these same things in ourselves and eradicate them. To acknowledge the demonstration in another of what we are also capable of. And yes, Virginia, we are all capable of some pretty heinous acts - as well as some very tender ones.

Easily 20 years ago at my house, we were watching a PBS special about WWII. In it, there was a black & white clip of Hitler playing with his dogs. He was laughing and smiling and his dogs were bouncing around, tails wagging. A happy scene. I was stunned. It had never occurred to me that Hitler was anything but cruel and hateful. Dogs are pretty good judges of character, though, and apparently, to those two, Adolf was a nice guy - as appalling as it sounds.

We all have it in us. And we forget that to our own peril. As they say, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Since seeing that documentary, a saying has evolved in our house. When faced with someone or a situation that we find hateful or mean, we remind each other that "Hitler loved his dogs." Shorthand for "We are all capable of great good or great evil. It is our responsibility to choose wisely."

Having said that, in this current situation that I and my family have been wrestling with, I find that I have reached the point where I just want it to go away. Unfortunately, I am afraid that the better selves that it has called us to be, will also be forgotten once it's gone. There is more than one way to live "in reaction to".

So, now, my practice, is to consciously thank the pebble while it remains... and mindfully prepare to remember my feet once it's gone.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Finally, as an old friend said to me, :Very deep grasshopper! Make someone try and 'snatch the pebble from your hand' after you take it from your shoe. :)" 

Wax on, wax off....

Until next time....

peace,

Janice

Anger Can Poison People - What's the Antidote?

I have recently spent a good amount of time with an older woman who has spent much of her life steeped in anger, colored by fear and grief, and it has poisoned her. It’s a really a tragic situation.

According to Chinese Medicine bottling up our anger causes stagnant Liver Qi. The Liver, aside from its western responsibilities of filtering toxins and such, is energetically responsible for our smooth flow of emotions – specifically anger and kindness. It’s in charge of our muscles & tendons, our ability to handle details, planning, & follow-through. As part of our Wood energy – the Liver provides motive force – similar to that which pushes the bulb up out of the ground in Springtime. It fuels our vision through our eyeballs and through our mind’s eye. Our hope for the future, our creativity – all come from this same energetic.

So, when we bottle it up, it stagnates. Like a plant kept in a glass jar. It struggles to reach the light and ends up balled up on itself and trapped. In a worse case scenario, it rots, destroying itself.

And in humans, not only can it affect our health, it can become infectious to others, if we’re not careful.

After prolonged exposure to the woman I mentioned above, I found myself getting angrier and angrier. And since I didn’t act on that anger to move it forward into something productive, it got heavier and heavier to carry. I could feel it in my joints. I was getting more frequent headaches. My ability to plan for the future was impaired. I was sighing a lot and lacking motivation and worst of all, I was sharing it with everyone around me, griping and unhappy.

Our society does not know how to get angry effectively – especially women. Anger, in & of itself, is not a bad thing – as long as it fuels growth towards the light. As long as it supports and rectifies the idea that “something is wrong here and I need to do something about it.” 

Practicing directing that aggressive urge into productive growth is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves and it could save our lives.

So, what did I do with all that bottled up Liver Qi? I took action. I took myself for a walk and then I spoke my mind, clearly and concisely. I was specific about what was and was not acceptable and what needed to change for things to continue in a healthy manner. I did not rage at her and yet, I let her know that things could not persist the way they were, they had to change.

I feel a lot better. My body is moving easier and suddenly, there is more room in my head for other things. I am able to move forward in partnership and kindness with this woman and sincerely mean it.

Did she like it? No. It made her mad. But it also seemed to lance a boil of anger for her. It allowed her to go ahead and feel it outright and release at least a little bit of the pressure building up inside her.

My next goal: talk her into acupuncture. It could relieve more of that stagnation and help her live more smoothly in her own skin, reducing her negative effect on those around her.

We all get toxic sometimes, even during Summer, the time of joyful partnership in the Fire energetic. Being able to move smoothly from that sudden urgent push of Spring into the joyous partnership of Fire isn’t always easy for some people. 

So, if you’re feeling pent up or frustrated, take yourself dancing – even if it’s in your own living room. Find ways to act on those impulses that allows for more creativity and joy and partnership in the world.

And call me for some acupuncture, if you need a little help getting started. I’m here to help.

Happy Summer Everybody!

(and please share this with anyone you think will benefit)

peace,

Janice

Pacing

We have been car-less for nearly two weeks now & it has inspired me to review how I move through the world - literally. 

With the exception of short term car rentals on the weekends to enable me to reach my teaching gig, the whole family has been busing everywhere. And one thing, I've learned is that riding public transportation is a very trenchant example of how outlook is everything. 

I have found it to be relaxing and a wonderful way of forcing me to slow down. It also requires me to really decide what is essential that I carry with me. Do I really need to pack for every natural disaster?! I'm sure I can find a place to buy a bandaid if I really need one.

It is also the great equalizer. No matter how you're dressed or where you're going, you are in the same boat/bus with everyone else from every other walk of life. When someone doesn't realize this and fights against it, it also has the power to create camaraderie among the remaining passengers.

One gentleman got on the bus the other day and spent every stop slamming his cane into the ground with aggravation and grumbling at whoever was getting on or off the bus as though they were intentionally going slow in order to make him late. He also barely contained his desire to backseat drive when the bus driver would err on the side of caution. The rest of us at first responded to him in kind, and then with amusement, and finally with offers of help, which he declined. 

In truth, we can either fight against what is - the route the bus is taking, obstacles in our life, someone else's agenda - or we can take the time to be with what is and flow with it as best we can. It doesn't mean we don't continue towards our own destination, it just means we have a better time getting there. 

A friend of mine is currently in the hospital with a severe emphysema attack and we talk about his allowing his body to relax rather than strain against the constriction in his breathing. Tensing against it only makes it worse. I know this from my own asthma attacks in the past. My friend says that when he manages to "take himself to the Grand Canyon" and "breath the big sky", his lungs relax a bit and it is the tiniest bit easier to breathe. He is still up against a terrible illness... and he is practicing flowing with it as best he can.

I think of him, as I sit on the bus, wanting it to move faster to get me where I'm going. And I relax, sit back, and enjoy the ride.

Recent Reminders

My own acupuncturist & mentor said to me the other day, “There is nothing in the ancient texts about doing things! It’s all about being. We’re all really just here hanging out between birth & death.”

And he’s right. I had gotten all caught up in my to-do list and a sense of scarcity rather than abundance.

The fact is that there will still be things on the list when we die. There will still be dirty laundry.

And my life is rich with love and possibility.

That’s not to say that there’s not work to be done, food to be prepared, household chores to be maintained... and yet, it’s a completely different approach to think, I’ll just do a few of these things while I’m here hanging out between birth and death.

My 6 yr old son has just started taking capoiera lessons. He loves it. One thing his teacher stresses is the difference between being ice and being water. Ice resists things and gets hurt in the process. Water lets things flow through and around it and remains flexible. Now when we begin to have cross words in our house, my son will say to me, “Momma, be water.” And he’s right. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have to teach him things and guide him toward more positive behavior. It’s the way that I do it that makes the difference. And water gets a much better response than ice – as is true with any of us.

The Tao Teh Ching, chapter 8, begins by saying: “The highest form of goodness is like water. Water knows how to benefit all things without striving with them.”

So, as we face the energetic beginning of Summer this Saturday (May 5^th), I wish for us all a babbling brook of activity and joy and love while we’re hanging out here between birth and death.

Enjoy.

Describing the Elephant: Modern Science & Ancient Wisdom

As an acupuncturist, I have the intellectual hobby of following ideas & discoveries in modern science & medicine and then "translating" them into Chinese Medicine theory - particularly that of the Five Element model.

Yesterday, I was listening to Studio360 on National Public Radio and they did a segment interviewing Adrian Bejan, the founder of Constructal Theory. In short, Constructal Theory says, "For a flow system to persist in time (to survive) it must evolve in such a way that it provides easier and easier access to the currents that flow through it".


In many ways, Constructal Theory speaks to both the art of Feng Shui (the arrangement of items in our environment to create the smoothest & most beneficial flow of energy through a space, which results in a greater sense of comfort & ease) and to what I endeavor to achieve with my patients in the treatment room every day.

I do not profess to fully understand Constructal dynamics at the moment, although I intend to study it further. However, it appears to be addressing the flow of qi both in animate and inanimate forms. While none of us are designed to live forever, acupuncture as a medicine seeks to reduce impediments to one's ability to live as well as possible or in constructal terms, "to evolve in such a way that it provides easier and easier access to the currents [of energy/qi/life] that flow through [us]."

It always tickles me when modern science and ancient energetic wisdom line up like this. We are all, indeed, just the blind men describing the elephant.

I wish you well & thanks for reading.

peace,
Janice