Treating With An Open Heart

This medicine is amazing.

I have an elderly, white, male patient who told me at his initial intake that a) he was afraid of black people, b) he didn't trust his wife's lesbian doctor, and c) he left his first acupuncturist because she was Chinese and he didn't understand her or “her ways”. I stopped him short by declaring the treatment room a politics-free zone before he could finish telling me, I'm almost certain, that he was a Trump supporter.

Really.

I'm not making this up.

I smiled, thinking of my other (black, LBGTQ, etc.) patients that he'd be encountering in my waiting room on a weekly basis.

For anyone who knows me, the next logical question is, “how could I sit in the face of all that?”

Believe me, it was not seamless. It took a minute to process each statement initially and just as I was coming to terms with one of them, he'd come out with another one. Luckily, I was able to keep my face neutral.

Then it occurred to me. This is exactly the kind of patient that really needs my help - to open back up to himself and his life, to understand his body, what it's telling him and how he moves in the world.

So, I took a deep breath and looked past his ideas and listened to his story of what it meant to be him living in his body. I went ahead with my intake just like I always do. And you know what? I came to see this frightened, lost man, who still, in his 70's, was carrying and believing the negative internal dialogue his father had instilled in him. A guy whose need for extreme frugality despite his very healthy bank account, pointed to a life lived entirely under the weight of lack. It broke my heart.

And so, we began the work. Letting the beauty of Chinese Medicine lead me, I chose points to help him find center, reduce pain, appreciate what his body could do – not bemoan what it couldn't – and he began to heal. Using my SOPHIA skills, we looked at how the words that he was using to describe being alive were causing him pain and how to change them into something worth living into. We addressed his diet, his sleep habits, and all the other usual stuff. And things slowly began to change.

Then, during his 10th appointment, he mentioned that the majority of the guys in his weekly exercise group were black and that, to his surprise, he really enjoyed hanging out with them, talking and joking around. He had accidentally found a community that he really appreciated, and they weren't at all like he'd feared them to be. Wow.

This “drawing the bigger circle” thing is not for the weak of heart. My chest would ache with grief every time this man came in and I would make myself remain open, bearing witness to his pain and fear – physical and otherwise. And then that 10^th appointment came and my chest ached again, only with joy for once. Just like the Grinch, his heart has grown at least two sizes that day, and mine had too.

I guess what I'm wanting to say is that although, there's almost always more work to be done in a lot of situations -

Don't give up on people.

Be strong. Love fiercely in the face of fear masquerading as hate.

They might surprise you.

until next time,

peace,

Janice