A Conundrum

When a friend recently asked how I would feel when a certain difficult situation was resolved, I responded by saying:

"I really, really want to get the pebble out of my shoe. I'm just concerned that once it's gone, I will forget that I have feet."

In the face of difficulty and hostility, we have the opportunity to become aware of ease and kindness. I know it sounds backwards. However, by their very absence, we become aware of them missing. And we have the chance to find the better parts of ourselves to counter them.

Of course, we can choose the knee-jerk reaction of meeting like with like. You yell at me, I'll yell at you. And in the end, that gets us nowhere. Just more unhappy.

We can also choose to bottle up that same reaction and cause physical and emotional harm to ourselves and those around us as it leaks out. Still not useful.

Alternately, struggling with meanness and self-absorption in another can allow us to face these same things in ourselves and eradicate them. To acknowledge the demonstration in another of what we are also capable of. And yes, Virginia, we are all capable of some pretty heinous acts - as well as some very tender ones.

Easily 20 years ago at my house, we were watching a PBS special about WWII. In it, there was a black & white clip of Hitler playing with his dogs. He was laughing and smiling and his dogs were bouncing around, tails wagging. A happy scene. I was stunned. It had never occurred to me that Hitler was anything but cruel and hateful. Dogs are pretty good judges of character, though, and apparently, to those two, Adolf was a nice guy - as appalling as it sounds.

We all have it in us. And we forget that to our own peril. As they say, those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Since seeing that documentary, a saying has evolved in our house. When faced with someone or a situation that we find hateful or mean, we remind each other that "Hitler loved his dogs." Shorthand for "We are all capable of great good or great evil. It is our responsibility to choose wisely."

Having said that, in this current situation that I and my family have been wrestling with, I find that I have reached the point where I just want it to go away. Unfortunately, I am afraid that the better selves that it has called us to be, will also be forgotten once it's gone. There is more than one way to live "in reaction to".

So, now, my practice, is to consciously thank the pebble while it remains... and mindfully prepare to remember my feet once it's gone.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Finally, as an old friend said to me, :Very deep grasshopper! Make someone try and 'snatch the pebble from your hand' after you take it from your shoe. :)" 

Wax on, wax off....

Until next time....

peace,

Janice

Anger Can Poison People - What's the Antidote?

I have recently spent a good amount of time with an older woman who has spent much of her life steeped in anger, colored by fear and grief, and it has poisoned her. It’s a really a tragic situation.

According to Chinese Medicine bottling up our anger causes stagnant Liver Qi. The Liver, aside from its western responsibilities of filtering toxins and such, is energetically responsible for our smooth flow of emotions – specifically anger and kindness. It’s in charge of our muscles & tendons, our ability to handle details, planning, & follow-through. As part of our Wood energy – the Liver provides motive force – similar to that which pushes the bulb up out of the ground in Springtime. It fuels our vision through our eyeballs and through our mind’s eye. Our hope for the future, our creativity – all come from this same energetic.

So, when we bottle it up, it stagnates. Like a plant kept in a glass jar. It struggles to reach the light and ends up balled up on itself and trapped. In a worse case scenario, it rots, destroying itself.

And in humans, not only can it affect our health, it can become infectious to others, if we’re not careful.

After prolonged exposure to the woman I mentioned above, I found myself getting angrier and angrier. And since I didn’t act on that anger to move it forward into something productive, it got heavier and heavier to carry. I could feel it in my joints. I was getting more frequent headaches. My ability to plan for the future was impaired. I was sighing a lot and lacking motivation and worst of all, I was sharing it with everyone around me, griping and unhappy.

Our society does not know how to get angry effectively – especially women. Anger, in & of itself, is not a bad thing – as long as it fuels growth towards the light. As long as it supports and rectifies the idea that “something is wrong here and I need to do something about it.” 

Practicing directing that aggressive urge into productive growth is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves and it could save our lives.

So, what did I do with all that bottled up Liver Qi? I took action. I took myself for a walk and then I spoke my mind, clearly and concisely. I was specific about what was and was not acceptable and what needed to change for things to continue in a healthy manner. I did not rage at her and yet, I let her know that things could not persist the way they were, they had to change.

I feel a lot better. My body is moving easier and suddenly, there is more room in my head for other things. I am able to move forward in partnership and kindness with this woman and sincerely mean it.

Did she like it? No. It made her mad. But it also seemed to lance a boil of anger for her. It allowed her to go ahead and feel it outright and release at least a little bit of the pressure building up inside her.

My next goal: talk her into acupuncture. It could relieve more of that stagnation and help her live more smoothly in her own skin, reducing her negative effect on those around her.

We all get toxic sometimes, even during Summer, the time of joyful partnership in the Fire energetic. Being able to move smoothly from that sudden urgent push of Spring into the joyous partnership of Fire isn’t always easy for some people. 

So, if you’re feeling pent up or frustrated, take yourself dancing – even if it’s in your own living room. Find ways to act on those impulses that allows for more creativity and joy and partnership in the world.

And call me for some acupuncture, if you need a little help getting started. I’m here to help.

Happy Summer Everybody!

(and please share this with anyone you think will benefit)

peace,

Janice

Who Has The Time?

I've been thinking a lot about time lately. When I was little, I'd asked my dad what he wanted for a present and he's always laugh and say, "time". So, one year, I bought him a bottle of "thyme" as a joke - not really understanding why he felt like he had so little.

Later in life, as many of us finally got around to having children in our 40's, I can remember my friend, Steve's remark after the birth of his first child: "Ohmygod, the time I wasted! What was I doing with myself all those years?!"

Now, I've reached a point in my life where I'm beginning to understand how my dad felt. And I am seeking to recapture that sense of timelessness that I had when I was younger. As children, an afternoon lasts a lifetime. Next week might as well be next year. And a year... well, that's an eternity. Children are present to the joy of being alive on a moment by moment basis.

I look at the ever growing "List of Things To Do" and despair of having the time to get it all done. Am I just cramming more into my day? or am I not drilling down into each moment for all its worth? I have a sneaking suspicion that it's the latter. And I know I'm not alone.

As adults, we find ourselves ever tilting forward towards life. "I can't wait for the weekend." "When I retire, I'm going to..." "In my next career...." And the days just blur by, we're exhausted, and we miss so much... until the future finally begins to look a lot shorter and a bit scarier, and we find ourselves looking back. What did we do with all that time? Where were we? Racing to the future. Trapped in the past. Somewhere in between.

Every time my son tells me he hates my cell phone (because I'm often leashed to it), I am reminded of my mother's main piece of parenting advice, "Give your children your time." Life happens right now. In this moment. Don't miss it.

Put down the cell phone and schedule joy first. This is my reminder to myself.

I tell my patients this kind of stuff all the time and I need to hear it too. Today, it was from a patient, who shared his new list of goals with me. They are:

1) Be one with his environment.
2) Understand what people tell and show you, not what you want to see.
3) Be inquisitive.
4) Seek pleasurable experiences.
5) Try new things.

If not now, when?

I'll close with my favorite quote - one that I hope will be my epitaph:

"Living is
A thing you do.
Now or never?
Which do you?"
~ Piet Hein

I wish you joy... right now.
Thanks for reading.

peace,
Janice

Welcome the Water Dragon!

Happy Lunar New Year!

According to the Chinese, this year we will experience good luck in comparison to the mixed bag we had in the Year of the Rabbit. Things will get better. Recovery may be slow and yet the chaos in the world should calm down a good bit. All in all, a good year ahead.

In that vein, I have decided to connect more with people, seek out like minds, and generally have more fun doing what I love. This blog is part of that venture & I look forward to connecting with folks & hearing what you think. My goal is to update it weekly. Please check back in & toss in your two cents as you see fit.

peace,

Janice